Below is an excerpt from my weekly newsletter, which you can sign up for here.
January 1, 2017.
The day I realized that no matter how much I plan or prepare, how many pretty Kate Spade planners I can fill with dreams and goals and aspirations, how many hours I spend stressing or worrying or trying to force things into existence...
Life doesn't always turn out the way I expect it to.
Before I get into today's email, I want you to be aware of some changes that are goin' on around here. From here on out, I'll be sending you a weekly newsletter with alllll the things -- from the latest in fitness and nutrition, to business, to recipes, to relationships, things I'm going through, lessons I've learned... you know the deal.
I genuinely believe my role on this earth is bigger than JUST fitness, and for a while I've tried to pigeon-hole myself into ONE box.
Don't worry - I'm still doing online coaching. :) *Reply to this email or click the link if you're interested!
BUT this newsletter will give you a little insight into what's going on in my life - with fitness and beyond. If you're interested, I hope you'll stick around. If not, no hard feelings. <3
Back to my story...
January 1, 2017.
My boyfriend and I were traveling back to the US after spending the holidays in Canada with his family (he's from Toronto).
It seemed like any other day... we woke up bright and early, headed to the airport to make our 9:20 a.m. flight, drank lots of coffee to wake up as per usual.
Except this day was different.
We were making our way through customs, when my boyfriend was stopped and sent to secondary customs because of an outdated work visa.
"Meet me over there by the Christmas tree," he said. "I'll be out in a second."
Without really giving it a second thought, I headed over and waited by the Christmas tree.
After about 10 minutes of waiting, something didn't feel right.
Where was he? What was going on?
He was taken into a back area with no windows, so I couldn't see where he was.
Our flight left the gate at 9:20 a.m.
It was 8:45.
"I'll wait til 8:50," I told myself.
8:50 comes... 8:55... 9:00...
Pretty soon, I started to panic. Do I leave? Will he need my help? Should I just board the flight and hope he comes along when he's done? Frantically, I tried to dial my mom. His mom. His sister. His brother. ANYONE... and no one was answering.
Finally, a small woman with blonde hair greets me at the Christmas tree.
"Hi, are you with Mark?"
Her: "You should go along. He probably won't be joining you on the flight today."
Me: "What's going on? Can you tell me anything?"
Her: "No, I'm just the communicator. I'm not sure."
Me: "Well can I see him?"
Her: "No, sorry honey. Go along."
Me: *immediately starts bawling* lol #dramatic, but at the time I was so scared/confused/it felt like my world was ending
Hanging on to the hopeful 'probably' included in her sentence, I boarded the plane in hopes that Mark would magically show up in the seat next to me, we would fly back to St. Pete, and all would be well in the world....
We'd move into our new place the following week, like we had planned.
I'd accept a brand new position at the company we work for, like we had planned.
We'd stay in St. Pete for the next year, building our brand new business that we just started together, like we had planned.
We'd make videos, create amazing content, and continue to build the life of our dreams together until it was time for him to head off to firefighting school in the Spring, like we had planned.
Well.... Mark didn't make it on the plane back to St. Pete that day.
We didn't move into our new apartment.
I didn't accept the new position.
In an instant, everything had changed.
Everything I had PLANNED to happen had seemingly crumbled to pieces around me.
Fear immediately set in as I thought to myself, "Where am I going to stay?! When are we going to be together again? What happens now if he's Canadian and I'm American?"
And of course I felt the intense pain of being separated from someone - my best friend - who I've spent nearly every day with for the past year.
My world was broken in an instant....
But my world was also rebuilt in the same instant.
You see, I believe NOTHING... and I mean NOTHING is ever short of a miracle,
and that life happens FOR you, rather than TO you.
Let's say Mark had made it back on the plane with me that day and everything in our lives had continued along as "planned."
We probably would've gone home, taken a nap, gotten dinner at our favorite local spot... and everything would've just been more of the same.
Same habits. Same routines. Same schedules.
Honestly, you probably wouldn't even be receiving this email right now because I wouldn't feel the need to share my pain and experiences, because everything would be happy-skippy-joy-joy.
You see, when Mark was here, we were happy.
I was so much happier than I have been in a REALLY long time.
But that's the thing.... we were happy. We were comfortable.
I know, and God knew, that we both needed something that would radically shift us out of our comfort zones.
Did it suck as it was happening? Yes.
Does it still suck when I think about not being with him for now? Yes.
But deep in my heart of hearts, I know that this is the greatest thing that's happened in my life so far.
In the most painful yet transformative way, I needed Mark to be abruptly taken away from me to show me that I was playing it small.
I was playing the game and making progress, but not in the way I knew I was capable of.
I was resting on my laurels, enjoying my comfortable life here in St. Pete, watching my deep sense of purpose slip farther and farther away from me with each day that passed.
So what does this mean?
Honestly, I'm still figuring out the logistics.
BUT I do know one thing for sure....
That this is the beginning of the most incredible journey that I'll ever embark on. That everything is about to change my life in the way I've always hoped and dreamed for.
No one promised it would be easy.
Innately we hope everything will go according to OUR plan... but what if sticking to OUR plan is what's preventing us from achieving the bigger and better 'thing' that's out there for us?
I'm not sure what's to come, but I do know this:
Because of this experience, I am changed.
I am stronger.
I am brave.
And I am confident that because of the space that was created in SO many areas of my life, this allows the space for miracles to happen in ways I never could've imagined.
So when life doesn't go as YOU planned....
Ask yourself this:
What if it could turn out EVEN BETTER than YOU had planned?
Believe that it will....
because it will.
Talk to you soon,
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