"I Felt like I Should WANT To Change Myself.
... like the only way to be successful was to do what everyone else was doing."
The weather has been nuts here in Toronto for the past few days -- from sunny and 8 degrees (Celsius, I'm sooo Canadian now) to torrential snowfall that just makes you want to cuddle up and stay inside all day long.
It's strange though, I actually feel like I was born to live in this weather. I love it!
ANYWAYS, enough with the chat about weather (did that feel like one of those awkward conversations you have with someone on an elevator?)... and let's cut to the point of today's email:
When you're doing everything in your power to make your life better, yet you still don't feel good enough.
If you guys have followed my fitness journey, you know I've had a coach (online) for a while and we were planning for me to do a Bodybuilding show on March 11. I started prepping in November and made it allll the way through the holidays & everything, tracking macros and the whole shabang. It's been awesome and I'm more disciplined/motivated than ever.
Well, plans have changed for that - because if you've been following my life journey or have read any of my past emails/blogs - you know that things have been insane with Mark being in Toronto, me moving back home, us moving to TX in April, then possibly Canada.... OY VEY. That's enough to make even the toughest person's head spin around 3x.
And truth is... I had a really hard time making the decision to postpone my show.
I felt like a failure, like I should be tough enough to hardcore diet through the toughest changes in my life.
Like I should be able to harness that energy and focus and use it to my advantage, to push myself to the limits and have a wonderful success story as I stepped on stage with my tanned bod/abs/blinged out bikini and say "HEY LOOK. I DID THIS. Even when my life was crazy. Even when everything in my life was working against me."
Well... I don't have that success story of stepping on stage to share with you guys. At least not yet.
But what I did realize throughout making that decision was a much more valuable lesson than stepping on stage could ever be.
When you're trying to decide whether or not to do something, it's important to look at the true reasons behind WHY you're doing it in the first place.
I had some valid reasons behind competing:
1. It's always important to have a goal. Stepping on stage would motivate me and push me harder than I ever have, and would definitely be a challenge when it comes to training and diet (mind you, I prepped for 9 weeks at about 99% compliance until I made this decision.)
2. How fun would it be to be all blinged out on stage, and have all my family and friends come out to support me? (Side note: competing is ex.pen.sive. The tan alone is $175 lolol. I'll leave it at that.)
3. A true story of triumph to share with you guys... showing that if I can do something, you can do it too.
But at the end of the day, what I was neglecting (and deep down I knew this all along, I just wasn't ready to admit it to myself)... was another reason why I wanted to do the show:
I felt like I should WANT to do it.
Like I should WANT to change myself.
Like the only way to be successful in my career is to do what everyone else in the fitness industry is doing to get followers and subscribers.
And trust me... I am not bashing ANYONE who competes. I think it's an amazing goal to have and one that I am still highly considering doing summer/fall of this year.
But making the decision to postpone it made me realize that I don't NEED to do these things in order to make progress. I don't NEED to do this to prove my worth to anyone else, or in order to feel valued, loved or heard by those I love the most. I don't NEED a show to validate the fact that I'm a great coach, and freakin' LOVE my clients more than anything and do whatever it takes to help them succeed in their own goals, even if I don't have a million subscribers to back it up yet.
In spite of feeling like I would be disappointing people by not having this huge success story (with a show), and like I would let everyone down... that I actually found a deeper meaning a message, which is:
1. It's OK to accept yourself as you are, while working for what you want.
2. Do this for YOURSELF, not to prove your worth to anyone else.
It's great to compete in bikini or any other physical sport, as long as you can appreciate your progress along the way.
It's also OK to not want to be ripped/shredded/look like an Instagram fitness celeb, when you are genuinely happy with the way you look and feel.
Don't just want something for yourself for the sake of doing what everyone else is doing.
If you feel good, GREAT. Keep going.
If you don't feel good about yourself... come up with a plan of action to change that. And don't ignore the inner work that comes along with discovering WHY you're doing it in the first place.
At the end of the day, your fitness journey should be about YOU.
What makes YOU feel good.
Doing the exercise/program/sport that YOU love, not just what's trendy.
Eating in a way that nourishes your body - whether that's counting macros and enjoying daily treats, or eating intuitively because you don't want to become obsessed with numbers.
IT. IS. ALL. OK.
There are a million ways to live a healthy life that you love.
You just have to find what works best for you.
And most importantly, realize that you're already good enough.
So whether to not I decide to take on competing as my goal later this year, or find something else that lights my fire in the meantime, I can promise you that it will come from a place of LOVE for myself - not to prove my worth to anyone else...and that I will do it because it lights my soul on fire, not just because I 'should' be doing it because it's 'popular'.
A. MEN. HALLELUJAH.
Share this message with someone you love! We all need to spread the #SelfLove movement <3 And have them sign up to receive these emails at juliebooher.com/newsletter.
I love hearing from you! Tell me something you're struggling with - whether it's self image, body love, finding a goal... or even better, if you're genuinely happy with where you are right now and how you're continuing to challenge yourself!